It's All Good.

I’m trying to think of the best way to put it. “It’s all good” is what I’m coming up with. You’ve probably heard me say that before. I think I get it from my brother Billy, an eternal optimist and just one of those people with, all in all, good vibes. He plays the drum for a living, really.

You can check it at: www.skinnybeatsdrums.com. I digress!

But seriously, it is all good. The path that we’re all on, right? This time of year can be intense and stressful and at the same time a bit suspenseful and super exciting. I’m speaking to our “older” scholars when I talk about all of the “fruits of your labor” starting to ripen. That’s a cheesy way to say that, huh? Really though, you all busted a-- this past summer and fall, and you’ve been traveling a here and there and a here and there – everywhere – as of late, all with the purpose of securing a future for yourselves that most likely will be including a graduate education.

I’m thinking of Kayla down as MSU and Freddy at IU just this past Friday. Jenn trucking down to Nashville and then Oklahoma. And, Bianca making “several” trips to Andrews University quite awhile ago actually, and then more recently “making a stop-over” or shall I say “stop-up” at North Texas. Blaise cruised down to Ohio; Amanda went there on two different occasions actually, in addition to making it over to Indiana. John was in New York and then South Carolina. Cyrus just scoped out Kansas. Freddy already hit up IU last fall (before his “formal interview trip” last week) and Arizona State University. Helena, gosh, where has Helena been? Jet setting to UNC in North Carolina, then Salt Lake City and then Alabama! Kayla is flying out to Denver this coming Friday and Lindsay is making a stop in Denton, TX before heading to Vegas for spring break. Whew! I’m tired just trying to recap that all.

Side Note: ask Jeanine how much she loves putting together our “travel summaries” for reimbursement and tracking purposes this time of year! Talk about challenging….

I love this time of year, even though I do get nervous. I try to remind myself – which is the point of this blog post in case you were wondering – that things will all work out as they are meant to. This is one big, sometimes complicated and convoluted process. I’m guessing that most of you would agree. It’s your life! I just wrote to Kayla and said that this stuff is important and we all need to put forth some serious effort (which in my mind, you all have), but then, I think it’s also about letting some of that go (you know, the stuff in your head) about expectations and worry and things like that. It’s amazing to see how the level of confidence among all of the scholars soars at this point in McNair. We see you come in the office, right before a trip, a bit nervous perhaps, but *really polished* in your intent and preparations for the trip. While we might not all get what we were thinking we would, we will all get what it is we should. We’ll all get ourselves onto a path that is meant for us. At least that’s how I like to think of it. And, I always have to throw this in there – we’re (your lovely McNair family) just really lucky to have been one part of that *really cool* journey, along the way! --LMC

Throw Open the Curtains

I once thought that self-denial was the best strategy to surviving grad school. I denied myself sleep, good food, exercise, relaxation, and oh, so many things. After all, I was passing graduate level courses, maintaining a good GPA, fulfilling my duties to the McNair program, and most importantly, taking care of my family (although I always strive to do that better). Weren't my priorities in order? NOT!! Wasn't I taking care of business? DEPENDS!! I realized last semester, I had sacrificed so much in pursuit of a degree it felt as if the curtains had been drawn on my soul (melodramatic?). I was run down and burned out, not to mention I was not passionate about the topic for which I was making so much sacrifice.

I have taken steps this semester to make some major shifts in that self-denial approach to earning my degree.

1. I have worked hard to get at least 6.5 to 7 hours of sleep each night though occasionally it has creeped closer to 6 hours. I am finding that I really can't do that anymore without feeling like doody the next day whereas I used to sleep for 4 hours and wake up ready to go the next morning.
2. I have put myself on an eating schedule on which I have three decent sized meals and 2 snacks a day. Even though it is more daily food than I have eaten in years, I seem to be losing weight.
3. Exercise, what can I say about exercise? That is what I have missed most since returning to university 6 years ago. Previously, I had been very physically active and enjoyed feeling strong and fit. I haven't felt that way in many years. So, I have been squeezing in a work out daily, even if only 20-25 minutes.

I have worked on my physical health but realized today that maybe I haven't addressed my mental sacrifice as well.

As I walked into my bedroom this morning to begin homework, I noted that the curtains were still drawn and typically are when I work in my room. Feeling a little deprived because I am currently overwhelmed with work, a powerful rebellion grew inside me and I hurried to the windows and threw open the curtains. At that moment I resolved to work with the curtains open from now on.

As I sit here writing this, I look occasionally to my garden and imagine the sun on my face, the grass green and fragrant, abundance bursting forth from my plants, and the pleasure all this brings. At one time, I was concerned that all these feelings might serve as a distraction and illuminate the self-imposed deprivation in which I engaged to be successful in grad school. I now realize that they are quite the opposite. These feelings need to be a part of my weekly experience (if not more frequently). When I revel in these imaginings, they are like mini vacations of the mind and they will sustain me until the snow melts and my academic schedule lightens. They are just as necessary as all the physical changes I have made and maybe even more so.

Of course, I hate the cold so the snow storm outside my window makes it a little difficult to imagine the sun on my face. Maybe I will go take a hot bath and imagine that... I am in a hot tub on a cruise ship. The waiter just brought me a Miami Vice and it is as cold in my hand as the sun is hot on my shoulders...

So I am definitely supposed to be reading an article for my research right now, but I was so inspired to write that I had to take a quick break. This week I went to yoga and the instructor read one of my favorite quotes. It's a quote from Marianne Williamson's A Return to Love. Here goes:

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear
is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness,
that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?
Actually who are we not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people
won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine as children do.
We were born to make manifest
the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And when we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

- Marianne Williamson

I first heard this quote when I saw the movie Coach Carter. I loved this quote so much that I printed off copies of it during my senior year in high school and posted it all over my room. This quote reminds me to tell myself that I am GREAT and I that shouldn't apologize for it!!! I think we all have those moments that we think man I'm nothing but a small insignificant specimen on this huge planet, who am I too think I am more than that? Or we might say who I am to think that I am a smart and beautiful person, that is so presumptuous? Well actually we're not insignificant and we're not arrogant for thinking we are amazing. We are not even being presumptous (yay I used a word on our vocab list Maureen should be proud) when we take the time to recognize our own greatness. We are taking the time to give ourselves that pat on the back that people otherwise wouldn't give us. This quote can be a great confidence builder, and a word of encouragement when we're feeling down. It helps us to look beyond just being ordinary to recognize the how extraordinary we really are.

XOXO
Donnesha